When she was 18 years old, Ida Storm began filming herself so as to try and understand how her complicated mind works. Ten years later Mayo Clinic diagnosed her as having a borderline personality disorder. This mental condition changes the way people perceive themselves and others, and it affects the day to day activities of those diagnosed in a negative way more often than not. People with this disorder tend to be highly impulsive, have uncontrollable emotions, low self-esteem and very unstable relationships.
This was the case for Ida. About eighteen years ago she felt like her camera was her only friend since it was so hard for her to maintain a stable and working relationship with any family or friends. The video footage Ida collected in the years since illustrates the wild state of mind her mental illness causes her. It also brings to light her inability to control some personally destructive behavioral patterns that lead her to drug and substance abuse. The video tries to give viewers a glimpse into the frame of mind of an individual whose only coping mechanism is severely harmful to themselves.
The video, however, doesn’t just show the painful, traumatic experiences Ida went through. It also captures the special moments and breakthroughs where she becomes very happy. It’s in those moments that Ida envisions herself having a positive and healthy future. However, when her mind can quickly flip and become her number one enemy. The video portrays what it is like to live with a mental illness day in and day out. But the video isn’t nearly enough to make us truly grasp the full extent to which borderline personality affects someone.
The only way to shed light on the full range of the symptoms this illness causes is to go to the source and diagnose its effects. As captured in the video, the acute fear of being abandoned and patterns of unstable relationships are some of Ida’s symptoms, however, these only represent a fraction of the symptoms borderline personality disorder can manifest.
The impulsiveness of people suffering from this illness often results in risky and potentially dangerous behavioral problems. Such as: impulsive spending, drug abuse, gambling, acute paranoia, increased sexual appetite and many more. Also, due to stress related paranoia people with this illness can lose track of time. From one day to the next minutes might feel like hours, and sometimes hours can feel like minutes. Of the most dangerous symptoms is the increased likelihood of suicidal contemplation and self-inflicted harm. At one graphic point in this video, Ida can be seen cutting herself on various areas of her body.
While every day would be struggle, and life would be a daunting obligation, treatment can greatly reduce the manifestation of certain symptoms. These individuals can also be taught how to better handle their symptoms and cope with the illness through psychotherapy. At the end of the video, Ida Storm proves that though the battle can be very long and extremely hard, it can certainly be won.
The now 28-year-old Ida is a different woman from the 18-year-old from the first few shots. The video demonstrates that treatment truly works and builds hope for those that live with the illness. The video has helped Ida take off the proverbial ‘weight’ she had been carrying for years by sharing and opening up about her experiences. In an interview with VICE, Ida explains how she has received a lot of positive feedback from friends and family who say that they can better understand now, having seen what it’s been like to live with the disorder. Ida’s made a lot of progress, and now she seems to be headed down the right road.