Many stepparents today seemingly cannot handle the task of successful stepparenting. If you are a stepparent, you need to be able to understand a child’s point of view of having his mother and/or father being with their stepmother or stepfather.
First, understand that the children of your spouse did not choose their biological parents. Their biological parents had them and made decisions for them, whether good or bad. They have very little ability to do anything about whatever is going on, and they are always having to make physical, mental, and emotional adjustments to adapt to their circumstances.
Children of separated parents also have to be taken back and forth between their biological parents whether or not they stay with one the most. This causes them to have confused feelings in abundance, for a child naturally wants to be with his or her parents and see them as a couple; a child is half of each of their biological parents. Also, he or she wants their recognition for this same reason.
Second, remember that a child of separated parents will have someone they do not like. Stepparents have to fulfill their role toward their stepchildren and love them even if the child rejects them; for many times it is a stepparent the child will view with disdain. This will be more so if a stepparent’s stepchild had his or her biological parents together for a long time.
Stepparents might have to endure a long period of time (possibly years) of their stepchild or children seeing them as the reason their actual parents broke up. Amid many resources to help stepparents with this, patience toward them is the best thing to have.
Thirdly, remember that children of separated parents feel lost. If a child’s actual parents are not together, then he or she can feel rejected if their parent and stepparent are not getting along. The can cause his or her own sense of value to drop, as well as causing him or her to become angry. This is when a stepparent needs to, as well as he or she can, be a parent who guides and teaches their stepchild or children. Stepparents need to avoid being negative to stepsons or stepdaughters, be responsible for them, and make sacrifices to meet his or her needs.
Finally, remember that understanding is something a stepparent always needs to be to their stepchild; a negative or angry attitude toward them is what will drive them away.