He’s at it again: Nimrod presidential candidate Ted Cruz must have suffered a profound attack of nostalgia during an overly long bus ride on the stump when he recalled his moment in the spotlight two years ago: That’s when the Texas Republican first entertained the Senate by reading aloud Dr. Seuss’s Green Eggs and Ham to extend his symbolic filibuster.
Senators weren’t impressed. But apparently his kids were.
Of course, once is never enough for an ego as big as Cruz’s, so with the Republican Party already in meltdown like a finely grilled cheese sandwich, Cruz struck again last week.
This time, the object of his wrath was the body politic who conspired against him to pass the federal budget funding bill with both Planned Parenthood funds and the Iran nuclear deal clinging like leeches. He didn’t call Republicans who succumbed to the rationality of backing off this hopeless issue quislings, but that’s only because he missed that day in history class when World War II was discussed.
How could Cruz not show off his talent for having juvenile temper tantrums? After all, the guy has his own history of waxing not-so-poetically whenever Congress attempts to do anything related to funding the U.S. government. He already boasted a notch in his belt that marked his last attempt to do just that, when he went for déjà vu all over again, to quote the eloquent Yogi Berra, a few days ago.
We’re not exactly sure what’s in the water Cruz drinks that triggers his outbursts, but we know it isn’t vitamin supplements or Ginkgo Biloba. The likely culprits? The dude is never happy being bumped out of the spotlight by the likes of Donald Trump–nor does he take kindly to headline-making announcements that don’t mention his name–like John Boehner’s resignation.
Cruz was compelled to pull out his ace of spades—his innate talent for pitching a hissy fit–after being forced to watch the government funding bill with its sidecars sail through Congress like so many John Kerry Swift boat accusations.
Need we add too much Mountain Dew?
What’s a Cruz to do when things don’t go his way? Storm the Senate floor solo—Green Eggs and other Seuss selections left home in the rush—to rant and rave for a solid hour, just because he can. Cruz watchers say the dude is incapable of being humiliated—as if he alone is the standard bearer of causes like the perpetual fall game of Shut Down the Government preferred over football by the GOP.
Others say he doesn’t need an excuse. He’s just that narcissistic.
This week’s Cruz blue plate special included being blocked from offering his amendment during a voice vote, being rejected outright by colleagues who lied about promising to vote for his Prom King candidacy and to add insult to injury, he was humiliated by being force to deliver his latest soliloquy minus a Dr. Seuss book or Hamlet-inspired skull in hand.
How many people were on hand to hear Cruz throw Boehner under the bus, roast Leader McConnell and infer a grand conspiracy by closeted Republicans adroit at hiding their donkey tales? A smattering. Most had repaired to a local watering hole to lick their wounds while Cruz railed against the evils of compromise.
Cruz was undaunted. He did everything short of stomp his feet and lie down in the Senate well, showing off his best kicking and screaming moves. It got him a bump in the polls from conservative thinkers who believe that the kid deserves ice cream rather than a time out for not getting his way. The pithy question remains: If a screaming Cruz falls in the forest, and no Republicans are around to hear him fall, does he make a sound?