Some people get cold feet before the wedding. Others wait a few weeks for the glow of their newlywed status to tarnish before they get that yearning, that longing, that ache to carry on with old routines like heading off to the bar with their buddies. Silly to think that the blushing bride will stand by dutifully with apron in one hand and mop in the other to await the return of her beloved.
This guy found out the hard way that a new sheriff was in town and his rabble rousing days were over. As the story goes, the man sweetly announced to his bride that he was heading to the bar for a beer. He assured he would be right back. Seems innocent enough, right? Yet before he could even grab his coat, his industrious wife opened the refrigerator door to reveal 25 different types of beer.
The husband was a bit dumbfounded. Yet persisted by explaining that the bar provided frozen glasses…surely his sweet wife could understand that. And food…delicious food! She opened the freezer and grabbed the coldest glass you could imagine and looked at him not with coldness, but with a sense of knowing…what he liked. As for the food, I’m sure at this point his bride just sighed. Did he not see the apron? She opened the oven door and pulled out chicken wings, pigs in blankets, stuffed mushrooms and pork strips. She smiled sweetly as he appeared to be speechless.
With one last attempt he stammered, “You know, there’s swearing, dirty words and all that at the bar…” Being the dutiful wife she finally gave in to his last demand and with a monologue that would put a drunken sailor shame she told him to: “Sit down, shut the f**k up, drink his damn beer in the frozen mug, eat the f**kin’ hors d’oeuvres because your married arse isn’t going to a f**kin’ bar. That s**t is over…got it a**hole?”